made in Heaven!
Does the fear of failure subvert our relationships? We need to know this truth – Jesus is with us
For many, the thought of commitment in love brings fear of failure, entrapment or betrayal. But unswerving commitment is made possible because we are not alone. We have a helper, and with Him we can have confidence because we recognise that we are not our own.
Held together in love
My heart still thrills to see my new engagement ring sparkle on my ring finger. When I became engaged in the summer my beloved asked me what type of ring I would like. I had never ever imagined what I’d like! But when he asked me, I instantly saw the ring in my mind’s eye. I said “it’s a sapphire with a little diamond each side”. The blue sapphire I immediately understood to represent our Lord, and the two little diamonds each side I understood to represent my beloved and myself, with the Lord in the centre. Graciously the Lord led my betrothed to find the ring which fitted this exact description and it now sits perfectly on my ring finger.
I discovered in Ezekiel 1:26 that the throne of God appeared in heaven like a sapphire. When I look at my ring, the sapphire in its surround appears to be elevated above the two tiny diamonds, which nestle in snuggly next to the sapphire to make them into one piece, one symmetrical design. When I look at the sapphire I think about the Lord on His throne, sovereign over our relationship and over our commitment one to another, bringing us together into one piece like the jewels on my ring.
This is deeply symbolic for me. At the beginning of our relationship, my beloved and I were praying independently, asking the Lord if He was truly bringing us together and if this relationship was indeed His will for our lives. As I prayed I felt the Lord clearly remind me of the first sermon that my beloved and I listened to together in my church. The minister said something like this. “You may be anxious or concerned about whether or not you are on the right path for your life. If you are anxious, you just need to know this truth – Jesus is with you.”
What I heard through this was – no matter what obstacles or difficulties, no matter what human frailties, no matter any of our deficiencies – we will be able to have a successful committed relationship because we are not alone – we have a helper – the Holy Spirit. We have the Word of God as our instruction manual and we have the presence of Jesus in our hearts, to speak to us through His Spirit and we have our Father in Heaven delighting in us and doing us good. We are keeping His commandments, doing things His way. Jesus is with us, in the centre. When we know for certain that Jesus is with us, we can have confidence to become committed, first in betrothal and then in marriage.
In other words, our ability to commit to each other does not depend solely on my personal qualities or my betrothed’s personal qualities. We are both imperfect human beings. Our ability to commit depends on the perfection of Jesus, who does all things well. If we had solely made our commitment on the basis of our own suitability, we could have taken ten years observing each other trying to work out if our relationship will work. Even then we might never have committed because we’d have been looking at our human frailties rather than the perfection of Jesus. But when our eyes are fixed on Him, and our faith and trust is in Him, not in ourselves, then we have a firm foundation on which to place our faith.
The Essential Ingredient
The essential ingredient is faith in Jesus. Of course this must not be a cheap faith. It is a yielded faith. Anyone could say Jesus is with them, but it might not be true. Jesus is with us because we have surrendered our lives to Him and He is our Lord. He can bless us and help us because our hearts are determined first and foremost to obey Him and submit to His will for our lives. We don’t want to grieve Him away. Obedience to Him and His Word is essential as we recognize that we are not our own. We belong to 24 Him because He bought us at a price.
When He died on the cross He gave Himself for us, and when we became born again we gave ourselves to Him and died to ourselves.
If He is our Lord, He will keep us on the right path and not let us make us an irrevocable mistake. I had various dates and friendships over the years, but I always prayed, “Lord, not my will but yours. Please only let this relationship turn to marriage if it is your best will for my life.” I believe that regularly praying that prayer over my relationships protected me from marrying aside from God’s best for me. I was submitting to the Lordship of Jesus, by His grace.
First and foremost I belong to Jesus. Then in marriage I will belong to my beloved too. This reminds me of the phrase in the Song of Solomon – “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (Song of Solomon 6:3). This is the second of three similar phrases appearing in progression through the book. This little phrase is famous in Jewish art. At one time it was very easy in Jerusalem to purchase rings with these words in Hebrew. The Hebrew words are ‘Ani le dodivedodi li’. The word ‘dod’ means beloved and ‘dodi’ means ‘my beloved’.
A Door and a Nail
The Hebrew letters of the word ‘dod’ (beloved) are the dalet, vav and dalet – דוד. Sometimes we can gain insight into Hebrew words by understanding the meaning of the original ancient hieroglyphs. The letter dalet (ד (is a door. In modern Hebrew the word ‘delet’ means door. The central letter is a vav (ו .(In the ancient Hebrew hieroglyph this was a nail. A nail secures things and joins them together. In Hebrew this letter is attached to the beginning of words to say ‘and’…. So in effect the word ‘beloved’ (dod), through the symbolism of its letters is spelling out – ‘a door secured to a door’. Doesn’t that symbolize the love relationship? Two people become like two joined doors, allowing love to flow in and out from and to one another. We can choose whether we will be open or closed to the other person. We need to be open doors to our beloved, and to people in our lives, allowing the love of Jesus to flow freely between us, quickly removing any stumbling blocks of unforgiveness.
Perhaps the person securing the two doors is Jesus. Perhaps He stands between the two lovers, like a secure fastening between the two doors, holding them together. The phrase, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” even contains the same symmetry with the words “my beloved’s”, and “my beloved”. Perhaps it is the love of Jesus that forms the ‘and’ with the letter vav – the nail. He is the one who was pierced by nails. He is the one with us, holding us together through thick and thin, with His nail pierced hands. We forgive quickly and completely with His love when we are wounded. We release our love to the other, and receive love into ourselves. He is the one enthroned, like the sapphire in my ring between the two diamonds, securing us together.
There are three little variations of this phrase about belonging to the beloved in the Song of Songs. The first came in Song of Songs 2:16; “My beloved is mine, and I am his” – or in Hebrew – ‘Dodi li veani lo’. Perhaps this expresses the immature love of the girl, who focuses first on her lover belonging to her – above and before she belongs to him. The third of the phrases comes in Song of Solomon 7:10; “I am my beloved’s and his desire is toward me” – or in Hebrew “ani le dodivealiiteshuqato”. Here the girl really knows that first she belongs to Him, and then how much she is loved.
In my ring, the biggest stone is the sapphire, representing God. He is the source of all love, because He is love. And love is committed to the death. Devotion to Jesus is a commitment to the death because He died for you. You can love Him because He first loved you. His desire is towards you. You belong to Him. His gaze is upon you every day of your life. He is the one who will get you through and keep you on the right path for your life. He is the nail which secures and holds your life and your relationships together with Him at the centre. That is His design.